what you're going to do with your life,
Try to remember,
some of the most interesting people
didn't know what they were going to do
at age twenty-two or even at forty,
and nearly all of them are unemployed drug addicts
forced to live on cat food.
Also understand that friends will come and go,
this is because of your irritating personality,
nobody likes you.
So if the only thing getting you through the day
is the misconception that people like you,
end it now. (bang)
Learn how to smoke Whinny Blues,
if you're under aged,
get an older kid to buy them for you.
Get to really know your parents,
they're good for money,
then put them in an old people's home.
Travel as often as you can,
live in New York City once,
live in Northern California once,
never live in Adelaide,
It's a hole.
Maybe you'll marry,
maybe you won't,
maybe you'll have children,
maybe you won't,
if you do have children,
lock them under the stairs.
Do one thing each day that scares you,
jump in front of a car.
Do not trust anyone who tries to
update Sheakespeare for the kids,
and if you see Quindon Tarver in the street,
punch him in the face for me.
If you're worried about the way you look,
try to remember,
you're probably fatter than you think,
maybe you should consider an eating disorder.
Don't worry too much about the future.
If you're nervous about an exam,
ring up your school to schedule time,
and make a bomb threat.
If you're a girl,
lie about period pains to get
out of anything you don't want to do.
Cheat if you think you can get away with it.
someone with richer parents is getting private tuition.
Shop-lift as often as you can,
shopping Centres factor shop-lifting into their prices,
so if you don't do it,
it's like they're getting money for free.
When you're on work experience,
steal a cab-charge,
and take a Taxi to Perth.
but only if it's that coconut oil that gives you cancer.
Keep your old love letters,
if you see an old lover in the street,
try to run them over in your car.
Don't mess too much with your hair,
or else by the time you're thirty-five,
you'll look like Greg Matthews.
Remember you can wear your underwear four times without washing them,
(bang bang bang bang)
Congregate in gangs around train stations and shopping centres,
it's a free country,
It's public space.
Skateboard on War Memorials.
Smoke in your School uniform.
Set off car alarms.
Plant Drugs on a teacher.
Join a cult.
Don't flush public toilets.
only you will truly take care of you,
so carry a concealed weapon.
Don't wear your 'P' plates.
Walk around with your eye lids rolled back.
Touch your tongue on the tip of batteries.
Be open to new love.
you can't get pregnant the first time you have sex.
Expect others to support you,
it's easy to get the dole
and still do cash in hand work.
Respect your elders,
when your grandma dies,
have her stuffed.
Be kind to your knees,
you'll miss them when you're knee capped by a loan shark.
don't forgive anyone for anything,
But most of all,
don't aim too high,
you're probably only suited to an office or factory job.
and trust me on the Whinny Blues....